What not to say after someone has a miscarriage, and what to say instead.

October is miscarriage and infant loss awareness month.

I am 1 out of 4 women who has experienced pregnancy loss.

When miscarriage occurs, we can easily be at a loss for words although we mean well.

The purpose of this post is not to shame anyone, but rather to learn how to offer better support to someone who has experienced a miscarriage.

Years ago, before I experienced miscarriage myself, I was guilty of having said some of these things like, “At least it was early on.” Miscarriage can cause immense grief that’s complicated since it happens in our bodies.

Here are some things to say and do to help support your loved one through miscarriage.

What not to say:

• "At least you already have a child."

• "You can just try again."

• "It wasn't meant to be."

• "Your hormonal"

• "At least you were only early."

• "You weren't ready to have a baby right now anyway."

• "It wasn't a baby yet."

• "Are you still not over it?"

What to do and say instead:

• "This is not your fault."

• Be present, available and listen

• Ask if there is anything they need or you can do

• Speak about the child by name

• Buy flowers for them

• Cook them a meal

• Book them a relaxation massage

• "I'm Sorry"

• "I'm here."

• "I am not sure what to say, I feel for you.''

• "I love you."

• Support their decisions regarding testing, cremation or not, and any other medical care for the baby or themselves without judgment.

Please see this blog on the healing services we offer for miscarriage.